This side of life...

I have discovered life's disappointments...all the way from my own personality struggles, to the sting of people whom I've given a huge part of myself to and the betrayal that has caused a huge rift that is next to impossible to re-bridge, to major disappointments in people who have the faces of Christianity but whose hearts are rehearsed in "right-ness", to my own fatigue from fighting for the "right" for so long. I'm just so fatigued. Tired of fighting. I want to go down to the bottom, to the pits, where I might have a chance of seeing things clearly. It seems that I struggle to understand all my life. Is there any relief? Any release? It seems that even my openness and honesty with my own Father is condemned. I am His child. He knows my thoughts, but it seems the irrational fear is there that He will condemn me and pronounce me guilty. So says one fellow at the church who used my God's intentions for his own gain. Let my heart be strong to stand for the character of my God and His love towards me..."I have loved you with an everlasting love."